What I Learned from the Wost Job of My Life
Six lessons I’ve learn from the the most toxic, overwhelming, and violent job I’ve ever had.
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The Upward Spiral
I am not afraid of hard work: I have been a custodian, a gardener, a secretary, and a wedding cook. I have worked with lab rats, interpreted in hospitals, worked with cancer patients, and even manufactured medications in a laboratory. These experiences gave me a broad view of the working world, the value of money, and what we are willing to do to earn our daily bread.
Each of these — and many other — jobs were unique. Each of them had their own challenges, too. But in every position, I believed that working hard was the best thing I could do. In fact: I’ve only ever quit one job in my life, and it took some difficult life lessons to even be able to do so.
Quitting the most toxic job I ever had was not a decision rooted in fear or comfort — it was a decision rooted in the design of my life. These are the six lessons I took from the most painful, overwhelming, and hostile job I have ever had:
1. The right to belong is not negotiated — it is exercised.
The next time you walk into a place that intimidates you — a government office, a prestigious corporation, a bank — do not walk in hunched over or apologizing for your presence. Those places that seem out of reach and make you feel out of orbit have nothing special about them. They’re just places. The simple fact that you are crossing that door is reason enough to prove that you belong there.
2.Make people respect you.
When you feel like you’re surrounded by sharks and snakes, do not let them intimidate you. When you walk, make eye contact, be the first to say good morning with a clear voice, and move with the confidence of someone who knows their own worth. You do not need to be arrogant to command respect. On the contrary, always bring your best attitude and give others the benefit of the doubt. Your posture completely changes how others perceive you — and more importantly, it changes how you feel about yourself.
3. When you interact with intimidating people
When you interact with intimidating people, set aside the fear and the anxiety. Those people are ordinary human beings living ordinary lives. No title, car, estate, or piece of jewelry makes them more special than you. Your life and your value as a human being — as a child, a sibling, a friend, a spouse, a parent — is exactly the same as theirs.
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4. You are the owner of your peace, and no one can take it from you.
Our brain is primitive and wired to alert us to the presence of predators. But in modern life, the anxiety we feel in the workplace is nothing more than a predator with no teeth. I’m talking about that hollow feeling in your stomach when something goes wrong at work: when you see an urgent email come in, when you are on a call with an angry person on the other end of the line, when someone sends you a curt message, or when you sit through an uncomfortable meeting with your boss or a client. That anxiety is just the remnant of a survival alarm responding to a threat that no longer exists. While workplace abuse is intolerable, these are simply examples of what happens when a problem escalates at work. And what feels like it might kill you is nothing more than an empty threat. Your life is not in danger, and even if the situation is stressful, problems have solutions. Your integrity, the love of the people who matter to you, and your peace belong to you — and no one can take them away. Do not let a hard day at work destroy your inner peace.
5. Research your options before assuming your limits.
Do not become your own worst enemy. When an idea for growth or a new venture begins to take shape in your mind, we are almost always the first ones to tell ourselves that it’s impossible and we aren’t capable of doing it. But stop yourself there. There are already enough people in the world willing to speak against you: you don’t need to add your voice to their number. Instead, try to be your own cheerleader for how your idea could work! Start with your idea and work backwards. If something feels too large to manage, break it into smaller projects and solve one problem at a time. Instead of thinking about how you are going to climb Everest, think about how to put one foot in front of the other.
6. Remember that you can do whatever you want.
As long as your actions do not break the law or go against your moral compass, you are free to do whatever you choose. And if at some point you decide that you want to leave the path you are on, you always have the freedom to do so.
In Conclusion
It took internalizing all of these lessons to help me quit that toxic job, and even then, leaving was difficult. I had many reasons to stay: I had spent a long time learning the minute details of that specific role, and tailoring my workflow to give the best results. I had a well-paid position with real opportunities to innovate in the industry and provide meaningful value to society. But I came to realize that what the job demanded from me was not the way I wanted my life to continue. Although it was a taxing period of life, I’ve never once regretted taking the position: the lessons it taught me are some of the most valuable I’ve ever learned.
Talk soon,
Hazel
